Song For Jay'lai

She always had them big, doe eyes, ever since she was born, she looked out into the world with green speckled light brown eyes. I knew even back then when she tugged on my long plaits as a baby that she was going to break a rockstar’s heart. I envisioned her success and mapped all of the plans I had for her amidst her soft and sweet coos. My sweet Jay’lai.
Now I walk her down an all-white aisle especially made for her. It was her special walkway to Heaven. I glanced at her mother and it was then where I see where this tall, slender frame with a beautiful European face had received her looks from. I always loved my wife’s smooth almost powdered complexion, and I always thanked her for blessing Jay’lai with the same genetic make-up. Jay’lai’s beauty always transcended her age, and sometimes I think to myself, “Her beauty is that of an ancient Egyptian Cleopatra that had been suspended in time just for her. Just for Jay’lai.”
I smiled at the angel I married, and my eyes caught the eye of a young rockstar who eyes held a hint of pain. I knew young Cam didn’t want to be in that seat. I knew him since he was a baby boy. Even then, he shined. I can still remember wrapping my arms around his small frame. There was so much love inside of my arms when I held him when he was a baby. I remember tugging lightly on his long plaits and it was him that inspired my hair. His mama, his older brother, and Jay’lai’s godmother sat right next to the superstar. That’s still the homie.
Even after I turned my head, I could still feel the pain in Cam’s eyes. I knew where it had stemmed from. Jay’lai had broken his heart, like I predicted she would, when she told him she couldn’t be with him, kind of left me broken-hearted as well. Raising young Cam to be the musician he became made me feel a kinship to him through our mutual love for music. After the tireless guitar lessons, I developed a love for the young man that I haven’t quite developed for my daughter’s future husband, but hell it’ll come. Whatever makes her happy.
Walking past all of my daughter’s aunts and uncles, her grandmothers and grandfathers and I began to analyze my own past before Jay’lai came into my life. I can remember being on the block, pocket full of extascy, nickel bags, and loose change, thinking to myself that time wouldn’t move me off the block. How wrong I was back then. I thought McComb, MS would steal me. I thought Community Parks would claim me just like it had claimed so many others.
But I was wrong, boy I was wrong. Back in a time where I hollered M.O.B, money over bitches, a woman had changed my life; a baby girl had changed me forever. My inspiration walking right beside me. Who would’ve thought the same baby who pulled on my plaits so long ago would serve as my inspiration, but that was Jay’lai, my forever inspiration. My inspiration forever.
Now she walking beside me, beautiful as ever, eyes focused on her new husband. I sized him up immediately. I squinted, wondered what she saw in him. He was such a square compared to me when I was his age, even Cam held more ghetto tendencies, but this man in front of me, he never sold no drugs, he never smoked no weed, he never partied, never shot at nobody, nothing. Where I’m from, we would’ve called him lame, green, but now that I’m older, I’m less susceptible to stereotypes. I smiled at the thought of Jay’lai and her family in a two-story house with a couple of kids playing with a white Labrador behind a white picket fence. I must be getting old, thinking about grandkids.
The end of the line came too soon. The dance I performed with my daughter on that white should’ve been danced forever, but I knew it concluded when she turned around. With tears in her eyes, she asked lightly, “Are you proud of me, daddy?”
I couldn’t do nothing but smile. I pulled her close and kissed her on her forehead just as I’ve always done. Tears flowed from her eyes as she tugged on my long grey plaits. Don’t know why, but that moment brought back to the moment back in her quiet nursery feeling as though I would be the only man who held her heart. I remember her eyes looking up to me and the feeling that a father from the hood received was almost heavenly. I guess that’s why a little girl is blessing. You can never understand how wonderful a woman is until you take part in raising one. I thought I would be the only man who had her heart. Now I knew I would have to share her heart with someone else, but as long as she’s happy, I’m happy